Well, I fucked up. I mean it's not the worst thing ever. I bought another wheelchair because I thought it would be good to have even a crappy one before the one I ordered gets here. I was so excited that a friend found one for $30 that I failed to notice it did not have leg supports. It's basically worthless. I tried using it as a cart to transport garbage but on the way back I quickly realized how much it looked like I had just finished disposing of a body. And there isn't really a way to get my money back. I just have to suck it up. It's just really depressing after the conversations I've had with the people closest to me who seem to be opposed to me getting a wheelchair. Even my dad has joined team anti-wheelchair. It's even worse with him because he's on team holistic medicine and bullshit willpower healing methods. They all seem to think I can just think myself out of this. They tell me about how pain is all in the mind and there are people who can withstand freezing temperatures in their underwear for days just by controlling their thoughts. But fail to mention how it takes decades to train your mind for that shit. Last night Jen, frustrated with how much I need to lay down said I should get a hospital bed instead of a wheel chair. Also said that this is all because of how I deal with stress. Said she's worry about me using the wheelchair as a crutch. My mom says she's worried I'll rely on the chair too much. They remind me all the places it won't help me because of limited wheelchair access. They ask if I'm even going to be able to push it. One minute my mom is telling me to go on disability the next my step dad is scoffing at the notion because he doesn't think I deserve it. It's like the only thing that will satisfy any of them is if Im just constantly in pain and I shut the fuck up about it. They're as bad as my doctor. I'm just so God damned overwhelmed and the only people who are supportive emotionally are people who never see me. Who don't even see how much I struggle every God damn day and they fucking get it. The people who do see me, see one day where I'm feeling better and suddenly I'm faking all the other days or convincing myself it's worse than it is. And if I say anything to Jen then she just gets all quiet because she's "not allowed to say her opinion" which just makes it all worse and I'm just so fucking frustrated with all of this.