Something about this constant insomnia makes me feel sad and lonely. Even when I'm next to Jen while she sleeps, I just wait for people to text or PM me on Facebook and hope I have something interesting to say back. I feel like all I do is bitch about my chronic illness anymore. I'm so sick of the only times I feel normal being when I'm in bed laying down. I'm sick of feeling like my life is speeding by and like I'm missing out on having friends and fun. Sure I have Jen, but besides her I don't really hang out with anybody. What would I even do? I'm so boring. And most of my friends being female doesn't help. Something setting aside time to watch Netflix and eat junk food with another woman doesn't exactly seem platonic. But I hate being friends with guys, it's always some kind of macho passing contest or showing off or talking about politics or more often not being able to connect in any way because most of my interests are considered girly. And since I'm such a hermit with no money my best friends are girls I text or message on Facebook but never actually spend any time with. I would love to have like a crafting day with someone or volunteer with someone at a humane society or just chill out watching movies and talking.